Oh, wouldn’t the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at?           ~W.S. Gilbert

Feeling like a failure on this pre-op diet.   I know I’m making it worse than it has to be.  I admit it, I’m a whiner.  My husband would describe me as a princess. lol.  It has gotten better in some aspects and worse in others.

The first week I was doing good getting in my protein shakes and trying to get in my water too.  Did well the first 4 days or so.  On the 5th day, I cheated food-wise.  Not much, but ended up having left over rice in the fridge.  Not too bad though with 4 days without food.  The hunger pains were really bad at first.  The past several days they have gotten better.  I still get them, but they don’t take over my whole being.  I’m mostly able to push them to the back of my mind.

My current issue is the protein shakes.  The last several days just the thought of them make me nauseous.  I can’t even stand the sight or smell of them.  Past couple of days I’ve been mixing the powder with 4 ozs of water instead of 8 so there won’t be as much to drink.  I’m NOT getting all I need in during a day though.  When I do drink one, I’ve been putting them in a glass that I can’t see through and close my eyes and take as big a drink as I can at a time.  I SO wish I was like my husband and could gulp down a shake in 2 mins.  It takes me hours to get one down though.  They aren’t totally gross, but they aren’t good.  Plus, before surgery, all I can mix them with is water.

Tommie mixed one with skim milk last night.  I asked him if it was better that way.  He said MUCH!  I’ll be able to use that after surgery.  I have a feeling I’m still going to be sick of them….but hopefully I’ll get a little more variety.  I haven’t really been eating my broth or jello.  Those are just something I can have if I need something “more”, but I spend my whole day just trying to get in water and shakes.  Plus, when I do eat the jello, I can only get  a little of it down.

Well – just thought I’d let my friends and family know how I’m doing.  Not doing a good job following my instructions.  Hoping it’ll all be OK though.

Well – Day one of liquids done.  I hope it gets easier!  I did pretty well and got through my first day though.  All I had yesterday was my 3 protein shakes and water.  There were several times throughout the day where the hunger pains hit me.  I’d be so hungry that I feel nauseous and my mind would get all foggy and I had a hard time concentrating.  But, eventually it would pass.

It took me until about 1:30 just to down my protein shakes.  I’m such a slow drinker.  By the time I got to the evening one though, I got it drank fairly quickly.  I’m hoping that approves as time goes on.  I’m glad we went out and got a variety of flavors.  Tommie also made me some Jello last night, so I have that in the fridge to munch on today.  He has been very supportive.

Today I woke up and am so hungry and just groggy.  Two weeks of this!  Plus who knows how long afterward with liquids.  I can understand how everyone said that they usually lose about 20 lbs during this two week period.  I didn’t count how many times I had to climb the stairs yesterday to go to the bathroom. Ha ha.

Well – Today the new washer and dryer gets delivered.  I hope it goes smoothly.  I hope, also, that Tommie is able to come home in time to be here when they get here!  Would make me feel better, in case they need us to do anything.

Well – just thought I’d write a quick update for my family/friends. 🙂  Hanging in there!  Trying to be strong!

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment.  I had to bring in all my vitamins and protein shakes for them to look at to make sure I had the right stuff and so they could tell me how many to take a day, etc.  There were two others in my meeting (along with the nurse).  I guess the doctor is usually in on these meetings also, but he had a vacation day yesterday.  All three of us had surgery the same day with the same doctor.  I get to go first.  I was given my surgery time.  I have to be there at 6 a.m. on Feb 5th!  SO early….my surgery will be at 7:45 a.m.  The other two patients were men.  Along with meeting with the nurse we also had to get an EKG, to see how our hearts were while laying flat.  Then we went and got blood work done, and last we went and had a chest XRay done.  Everywhere I went I kept getting “Congratulations!!”  I didn’t know how to react to that.  Thanks? 🙂  Now that it’s so close and I’m thinking “surgery”, I’m starting to get a little nervous.  Just hoping everything goes smoothly and this doesn’t make me too sick.

Today I start on my two week liquid diet.  Tommie asked me where I wanted to go last night for my last meal. 🙂  I chose to go to Texas Roadhouse, where Tommie and I shared a steak and baked potato.  It was really good!  This morning I start on liquids.  I am allowed protein shakes, broth (low sodium chicken or beef), sugar free popsicles and sugar free jello. That is all.  I have to get a certain amount of protein in a day.  I have 3 different flavors, along with some sample packs in the house.  I hear a lot of people lose 20 lbs in these two weeks from this diet….but are also low on energy since you’re not getting all you need in.  Once I have the surgery I’ll be on all liquids also, but a little more variety.

Tomorrow we are getting our new washer and dryer delivered and the old hauled away.  SO – Some time today I’m going to have to move all the clothes out of the laundry room and clear off the top of the machines.  It’ll be nice to have the new one’s!  The old washer has been ruining all my clothes, putting grease spots on them….where as the old dryer was giving a burnt smell to anything that laid up against the back vent.  Our next appliance that we’ll be replacing will be our dishwasher.

This past weekend we had a couple of Tommie’s work friends over for a mini game night.  Had fun visiting and playing games.  I had Katie (our friends daughter) come over and help me clean house before hand.  She was a lot of help.  She even made the brownies for me. 🙂  She had told me she was looking for little odd jobs, and I hate cleaning, so thought, why not have her come help me. Our friends, Dennis and Kriste, have offered up their house for the next big game night we have.

Well – Need to go make my protein shake and head down to the cold office and start work!  Thanks for reading. 😀

Well – today marks the one week mark before I start on my surgery prep.  A week from today I’ll have my class to discuss things and start on my two week liquid – liver shrinking diet.  It will be two weeks of chicken broth and jello.  Yay!  I’m trying not to dwell on the surgery, because I don’t want to psych myself out.  But it’ll be here before I know it.  I am just hoping it all goes smoothly and I won’t have any complications.

I had one of my stomach episodes last week.  Luckily it started towards the end of the day, so I didn’t have to leave work early or anything, but it was a LONG night, and a long next day, since I had little sleep.  They have never been able to find the source as to what causes this to happen.  I think I have had every medical test under the sun.  It is really frustrating.  It hasn’t happened after I eat a certain type of food or done anything unique.  It’s just random and once it starts, there is NOTHING i can do to stop it.  I just have to ride it out.  It’s extremely painful and unpleasant.  I’m HOPING that it gets better or GOES AWAY completely once I have my surgery, but since there’s no idea as to what causes it, there’s no telling if this is a solution.  It first started shortly after I had my thyroid removed, but I wouldn’t think that would be a cause for it…..it’s just strange.

We finally got a new washer/dryer ordered.  There are several things in our house that need to be replaced.  We also need a new dish washer and new flooring.  But washer/dryer came first.  The washer has been ruining my clothes for a while now.  I just didn’t know what it was.  I finally posted about it on Facebook and from the responses found out it was oil leaking onto my clothes and it’d be easier to just replace.  It’s going to take a couple weeks for the model we want to come in.  I think I have these little grease spots on just about all my clothes, but I’m just dealing with it for now.  I’m not about to buy a bunch of new clothes when I’m getting ready to lose weight, so I’ll just wear what I have and hold off until it’s time to buy new clothes.  I’ll probably be wearing big clothes for a while or fit into the smaller clothes I already own.  I AM looking forward to cleaning out my closet and also to wear things I haven’t been able to for a while.  I gave a lot of my smaller clothes away when I was making room in the past, but there is still plenty there.  I know my husband will also be happy that I will be cleaning out the closet as I go!  I know he thinks I’m a bit of a hoarder.

Work and all the changes this past year is still stressing me out a bit.  I’m just not as happy as I used to be.  Don’t have the support I used to have.  I’m trying to get by though and get used to things and better myself.  Some days I just get frustrated though.  I’m just hard on myself.

So far I’ve done pretty good on taking a picture a day.  I really wish I felt more comfortable going out and taking pictures by myself around town.  So many times I want to go somewhere and take pictures and Tommie has no desire to, and then I just send up sitting at home.  I just wish I was more comfortable doing things on my own.  I’d like to get out more and take pictures and I’d like to make it to the community center more often.

Well – I guess I’ll wrap this up for now.  I’m sure I’ll post once I start on my diet.  I’ll hopefully not be TOO grumpy, but I am expecting some grumpiness.  Ha ha.

This has been a REALLY busy couple of weeks.  Go! Go! Go!  I have to say though, this year the holiday season has been pretty good for me.  Just seems like my spirits are high and attitude is in the right place.  Even when things get frustrating, the last few weeks, I think I have kept my cool.

Christmas Eve, Tommie and I went to my Grandma Joan’s.  She made us salmon patties and fried potatoes and we opened gifts. On my side of the family, the people who choose to participate draw names for gifts.  My sister started this several years ago now.  It’s nice to just have to worry about one gift (on top of the kids gifts).  I got my cousin, Kevin this year.  We never were able to get together to discuss what I wanted to get him, because I wanted his input.  I did tell him what I was going to get, because if I spent the money, I wanted to make sure it was something he was going to use.  I ended up getting him an electronic cigarette starter kit and stuff to go with it.  Thankfully, Tommie gave me some input on what to get, because I’m lost when it comes to that.  I really appreciated that!  My brother in law, Jonathan, got me.  I have given him the link to my Pinterest “I want” board and he chose a few things off of there for me.  They were both Dr. Who themed.  It is a show that I love.  I grew up watching it with my Dad.  When I was little, they aired it on PBS and it came on late at night, and my Dad used to let me stay up late if I wanted to watch it with him.  So of coarse, that was special!  I got a tardis skin for my kindle and a couple of note cards with the tardis on the front with a speech bubble that had a heart in it and inside it says “Who loves you, baby” 😀

This year we spent Christmas at my Uncle Stan and Aunt Geri’s house.  It’s been a while since we’ve all gotten together on that side of the family for a holiday.  I think, since my Grandma is now living back in Kansas City, it was time.  Had a house full, but it was nice.  Tommie came with me and we picked up my mom’s cousin, Sharon, and my Grandma and took them with us.

New Years, Tommie and I are planning on going to my friend, Dawn’s, house.  We have gone over there for New Years Eve every year now for a while!  I missed last year, because I stayed home and whined.  It was just a miserable day.  I feel good about it this year though and missed everyone last year.  I always have a good time playing games with everyone over there.

In-between all this my friend, Karla decided to have a game night, so we’re planning on going to that tonight also.  Sort of a last minute thing, but should be a good time.  Get together with friends and have some laughter!  Tommie will be coming with me to that too. 🙂  I’m always happier when Tommie is with me!  We’ll be bringing our Cards Against Humanity game upon request. The game is so wrong – but with the right crowd – it’s hilarious!

I’ve fallen into bad habits over the holiday’s and once January hits I’m going to have to start trying to get back on track before my surgery.  I’ll go to the doctor on January 22nd and they will tell me what I need to do for my two week pre-surgery liquid diet.  I’m assuming it will be starting THAT day.  I called and started the claim with the FMLA at work.  Hopefully that goes smoothly.  They are doing it a new way this year.

Well, I hope everyone has a nice, fun and safe New Years Eve! I probably won’t post again until next year. 😀

The last part of this year has just flown by for me!  I truly don’t know where all the time has gone!  There have been a lot of changes in the past year and I’m left at times feeling like I’m not sure where I fit in.

At work there have been a lot of changes.  It’s my first full year to work from home.  In the office, we got moved to the other side of the building.  Mid year we got a new manager and now we’re getting a reorganization in the department.  Ever since all that happened, I feel like I’m a bit lost.  I can’t believe we are a few weeks away from year end.  I feel VERY unprepared.  Starting in the new year I’ll be losing my supervisor, who I’ve always been able to go to for help with anything.  I’m going to miss him very much!  He’s still staying with the company, but I won’t have him there to help me when I get stuck on something.  I think there will be changes coming up with my position in the new year also.  Only time will tell how it will work out.  Makes me very uncertain.

We had our game night this past weekend.  We had a house full!  There are times when I wish I had a bigger room for entertaining!  Our house is a nice size, it’s just the rooms aren’t that big.  There is very limited space as to put seating when you have a lot of guests over.  It was great to see everyone and spend time with them though.  There were supposed to be more that came, and it might of been good that they didn’t, because I don’t know if we would’ve had space!  Ha ha.  Our friend Dennis offered up his house for next time if we like.  I always hate to burden someone else, and I hope that the people I’d invite would go to a new place.  Game nights are always so much fun though and a good excuse to get together and have some laughs. I truly love our friends and family.  What a great group.

So – with the new year coming up – are you going to make New Years Resolutions?  I can think of several things I want to work on.  I usually don’t make resolutions, but I just might this this year.  What about you?  What are your resolutions going to be, or are you still working on them?

One of my co-workers told me something last week that has been sitting on my mind.  First let me give some back ground.

Growing up, I never really dealt with bullying.  I’m glad I never had to deal with it.  People (adults and kids) can be so cruel at times.  When I DID run into bullying, it was as an adult.  For five years, I had a work place bully.  It REALLY messed with me.  I never did anything mean to this person, she just got in her mind that I was an easy target.  She made it seem like I was out to get her (which no one really believed).  She never really was good at her job and I think a little jealousy came into play. My manager was aware of what she was doing, but did nothing that made any difference for years.  (She was a bully to him too)  What my co-worker (not the bully – luckily she was FINALLY fired after FIVE long, torturous years) recently told me was that this bully would come into work and tell her other co-worker, “I’m going to make Amy cry today.”  It should make me upset that this person didn’t speak up about this, but I can understand not wanting to get involved or get lash back.  There were a hand full of times that she was successful in her goal.  I hate to admit that I was so weak and let her effect me like that.  I never was “OK” with her, but I got to a point where I didn’t care any more what she thought or did, and it took a little of her power away.  It was a long, emotional journey for me and still has some lingering effects on me.  I don’t think I’ve totally let go of my hate for this person, and that is such a foreign emotion for me.  My co-worker said it was funny how people still talk about her and she’s been gone a couple of years.  I’ll say – she did leave an impression, just not a good one.

It’s been an emotional five years.  I feel like it’s made me less outgoing and more introverted and guarded, but I’m slowly crawling out of it.  This coming year is going to have a lot of changes for me, and I hope for the best!  Thanks for all who have stuck by me and given me love and support.  I have so many of you in my life, despite all, I’m very blessed.

Today was just a rough day.  One of those days where you keep getting side tracked and have so many side things going on that it’s hard to concentrate!  I’m beginning to stress a little that year end is approaching rapidly and I still have so many pending things to take care of.  Plus, there have been so many and will be so many changes in my department at work and everything just seems up in the air at the moment.  First thing this morning my internet wasn’t working, so I had to go into work.  Was hoping I could just switch days, but my manager seemed to expect me to come in tomorrow too, so tomorrow I go back.  I like the one day in the office…to deal with things face to face, but any more than that, it can be a pain, because my monitors there are so much smaller and I have to drag all my paperwork back and forth.

I DID accomplish one thing today that helped put my mind at ease.  I contacted the insurance for the third time and asked them about the status of my surgery approval.  The lady I talked to told me it had been approved on November 29th.  I asked her if they had sent the letter to the doctor yet, but she couldn’t see that info.  I asked her for a reference # and she gave me the pre cert#.  I then called the doctor’s office and spoke with the scheduling lady and told her I had a pre cert # and she just went ahead and gave me a date.  She said first available date for surgery was Feb 5th and asked if I wanted that date.  YES!  So – there you have it.  I now have my surgery date and can put it on the calendar!  I’ll have my pre surgery class to go over everything on Jan 21st.  I suppose that will be the beginning of my two week liquid diet.

I have a lady at work that had the surgery 2 years ago and has lost 130 lbs.  She started about where I am starting.  Today she offered to do the two week liquid diet with me for support.  I thought that was REALLY nice of her!  She said it’s easier to have someone doing it with you and encouraging you.  She also gave me lots of good advice and encouraging words.  I’m blessed to have several people to go to that have gone through this for questions and support.

It’s also good that I’ll have Christmas and New Years without worrying about this all.  Plus I will need the time to work on things with work and get them caught up from year end before taking off a couple of weeks.  I’m hoping to go to my Grandma Joan’s for Christmas Eve, my Aunt Nancy’s for Christmas breakfast and my friend, Dawn’s, for New Years.

Well – that’s my update for now!! 😀  Thanks for checking in with me!!

I’ve always thought I have done pretty good in the patience department.  When it comes to waiting for something you really want, it seems like time slows down. 😀  Current status on the surgery is that I’m still waiting to hear from the insurance company for approval.  Hopefully it’ll come any day now.  I was told by insurance that it usually took between 7 to 10 business days.  I contacted them after 12 business days to see if it had been sent back and they told me it was still under review.  That was 3 days ago.  I’m not going to bother them again, I’m just going to sit back and wait.  It’ll come.  I don’t need the surgery RIGHT NOW, I’ll just feel better once it’s on the calendar and scheduled.  Then I can stop worrying about it.

SO – As you probably saw on my Facebook…..I took in a stray dog.  I had thrown some old bread over the deck for the birds or squirrels.  As I was working in my office I saw a dog come up and start eating up all the bread.  No big deal, whatever.  I get dogs and cats through my back yard all the time.  When I really looked at the dog though, I saw her rib and hip bones sticking out and it just pulled at my heartstrings!  I was like “OMG!  That dog is starving!  That poor thing!!!”  I opened the door and out tried to get the dog to come inside.  She looked sideways at me and kept eating…..she was jumpy, all over the place.  I didn’t want to go try to grab her while she was eating, so I just kept trying to get her to come to me.  When she ate all she could find, she ran off.  I was like “Oh, well, what can I do?”  Few seconds later, she was back, looking for more food….poking her nose around the leaves.  I had just eaten lunch, so I held down my empty plate and said, “Come here!”  That got her attention and she followed the plate into the room and I closed the door.  She just licked the plate……I went upstairs and got the rest of my still good bread and gave it to her and she ate it just as fast as I handed it to her.

I called my Grandma and told her what I had done.  She was like “Don’t give her cat food!” (which is what I probably would’ve done, because that is all I have)  She told me it’d make her sick and she’d bring me over some dog food for her.  SO – she came over with some food and a leash.  I asked her to sit with the dog as I showered, which she did.  I took the dog to the vet to see if she was chipped.  No such luck.  I’ve taken in a dog in the past and she wasn’t chipped either.  THAT dog, I ended up giving to my grandma….that was before she had collected all her other stray animals.  (she now has a house full)  The dog had a rabbies vaccination tag on and a worn collar.  The vet said most tags have the # of the clinic it was given at so you can track the owner that way, but without that, there wasn’t a way to track it.  They thought it was strange there wasn’t a phone # on there.

The dog would be a WONDERFUL pet for someone.  She’s done really good.  We’ve had a couple of accidents in the house when I’ve mis-read her wanting out.  That is never fun. (Ick)  But EVERY time I take her out, she goes to the bathroom and she’s really good on a leash, doesn’t pull, walks with you.  Is ready to go right back in once she goes to the bathroom.  She didn’t bother my cats, even though they hate her.  So she was defiantly someone’s pet and listens pretty good.  Last night though she snapped at my cat Neko.  It was pure jealousy.  She’s already that attached to us.  She saw that he was getting loving from us and she didn’t like it.  Though, Neko is the same way.  He’s a jealous cat, so they clash.  Ha ha.  Of coarse when she snapped, I yelled at her and she got those puppy dog eyes.

We’ve been constantly with her though since we brought her in.  She gets separation anxiety.  She’ll whine if I even shut her out to go to the bathroom.  We tried to put her in the garage last night and had to eventually bring her back upstairs, because she was whining and tearing at the door and howling.  She’d done really good in the bedroom and let us sleep through the night.  We just can’t keep her.  We feel bad, because she’s such a great dog and will be a great pet, but it’s just too much for us.  I can’t bring myself to drop her off at the pound like my husband suggested.  I REALLY want to give her to someone I know, but if I can’t find anyone, I’m going to have to find some place to take her.  It’s going to break my heart to do it, but it needs to be done.  I don’t NOT like dogs, I’m just not a dog owner.  I feel bad even saying it, but I’m not. I made a vet appointment tomorrow to get her current on shots and bathed and treated for fleas.  Then I can have that paperwork, plus info on the dog to give to anyone that might want to take her.  Can figure out if she’s healthy and how old she is and how much she weighs, etc.

Year end is approaching quickly and I’m really stressing out with work.  It’s been a strange year with lots of changes.  I have too much to do before year end and I feel like I don’t have a lot of direction.  I can’t believe that tomorrow is already DECEMBER!  Where has this year gone???

Wow.  I don’t know where this past week has gone!  It went by so quickly!  I looked at the calendar and also noticed how close to year end it already is and it has me a little panicked!!  I have so much to do – work-wise before year end.

We also learned in a recent meeting that things are going to change a bit in our department, so that is something else that has me a little stressed.  I’m hoping it’ll all be for the best in the end and will all work out, but of coarse, any type of change is cause for upset.  I also asked my manager if he preferred me to have my surgery in January, over December.  (really – I can’t see myself taking off work before then anyway)  SO – once I hear back from the doctor’s office I think I will ask them to schedule it in January some time.  I’m sure it’ll be here before I know it.

Tommie and I went out to dinner tonight.  We have decided from here on out, we are going to just order one meal and share it.  We went to 54th St. Bar and Grill tonight and got the steak and baked potato and told them we were just going to split it.  They were great about it!  They even split the salad that came with it!  They halved everything up and put them on separate plates.  We were both full afterwards and it was perfect.  Tommie will benefit from my surgery as well and I think he’ll be pretty supportive of it.  He already knows he’s going to have to put up with a grouch for a while too.  Ha ha.

This weekend I’m taking some family photo’s for my cousin’s wife’s family.  Should be fun! Next weekend I’ll be taking family photos for a co-worker. 🙂  Both sessions, they’ll be using some of the photos for their Christmas cards too.  It is that time of year to start thinking of photos for Christmas cards, if that is the route you go.  That is my favorite type of Christmas card to receive.  One with a photo on it! 😀  I don’t think I’m going to send Christmas cards this year, but I will for sure, next year!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and are able to spend it with loved one’s.  Remember to set aside some time to think about what it is that you are thankful for.  I’ve been trying to make my list daily.  I’m a very lucky person that I have so much to be thankful for.