Well – It’s a new year.  I’m not big on making resolutions at the New Year.

I remember when I was in school – around New Years I would ALWAYS look forward to the big countdown’s on the radio…..best songs of the year.  I would make it my day to spend listening to the radio all day.  I don’t listen to as much music as I used to.  My husband and I have a few similar tastes in music, but overall, we love totally different types of music.  I find whenever I listen to music at home, he usually puts on his headphones to drown it out.  He’s a musician himself, so he likes to create his own music.  I’m a big “lyrics” person.  I’ve always been drawn in by the words of a song.  Again, when I was younger I used to love to call and dedicate songs and always wish that someone would dedicate a song to me. 🙂

I guess if there was a resolution for me to make for the new year it would be to not let things bother me as much.  I tend to absorb things and hold them in until they eat away at me.  It’s really tearing me up.  I’m feeling sad all the time lately and I know it’s affecting the people around me.  I find myself more and more just drawing in and not wanting to reach out to people.  Keeping a lot inside…..that causes me to just break down a lot.  I’ve really been stressing myself out lately and letting different things get to me that I really haven’t (or wanted to) share with anyone.  I’ve become a bit of a downer.  When people DO try to reach out to me, I get a bit snappy, especially the one’s closest to me.  I have a hard time expressing myself.  My mind is constantly going, but to put what is going on in there into words is really difficult for me.  I always feel like I come off as unintelligent and emotional., stumbling over my words.  It can be really frustrating.  I’ve been dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy lately.  When it comes to work, relationships and self worth.

OK – Enough of being down on myself.

For the New Year.  I have an old friend who has been wanting to work out with me.  I think it’ll be a great time to just get some girl time in and also work on myself.  We were doing pretty good when the weather was warmer in meeting and walking.  I could tell my stamina was getting better and it was nice to have a little talk as we walked, and someone that would go at whatever pace I needed and not judge, but be encouraging.  The past few months I have been really stressed with work and putting in some long hours, so our get togethers had slacked off.  I’m not sure how long it’ll be before things get back to normal at work (I hope they do – because I don’t want to feel bad about my job after working there for over 10 years, which I have been lately), but I’d like to get to a point where I can clock out without worry after my 8 hours and go have our workout time.  She was saying that she wanted to join the community center where I have a membership (that I haven’t used in a LONG time – but still pay for) and meet up there to continue our workouts in the cold weather.

So much, my “friend time” and my “spouse time” is centered around food.  It seems like the only thing I “go out” to do anymore is to eat.  It’d sure be nice to find some things to do other than “go out to eat”.  Don’t get me wrong – I really ENJOY going out to eat and it’s an opportunity to eat and talk….just looking for more of a variety.  Tomorrow I’m planning on going to a movie with a friend.  That is something I don’t do much of anymore that used to be one of my favorite things as a young person!  Movies have just gotten so expensive!  We’re going to go see the “Twilight” movie that I haven’t seen.  ((Which I have to say – I loved the books, but the movies sure do leave more to be desired))  I also get together with this same friend from time to time and we watch a TV show together.  I TIVO it and just save it on there until we are able to get together and watch it together, a lot of times it’ll be weeks before we get together, so we have a bit of a marathon. 🙂

Another thing that I’d like to be better about going forward is my photography.  I feel like I haven’t had the passion for it as I have in the past.  It really shows in my photos.  When I look at some of my photos from the past I see some really great work ,but the one’s lately I guess reflect my feelings – depressing, no depth.  I really need to find my inspiration there!

Well, guess that is it for my first post.  Hopefully as the year progresses, they will be less depressing!  🙂

I hope everyone had a HAPPY NEW YEAR!