Well – Ever since my last doctor’s appointment I have been on a stall weight-wise. I’m trying not to let it get to me too bad. I have about 75 more lbs to lose before I reach my final weight goal. It gets harder and harder the further away from surgery I get. I read a lot on the forumns to take advantage of the “honeymoon stage” right after surgery and lose as much as you can in that time period. As you get further out you’re able to eat more in quantity and in type of food. There are people who fall into old habits and gain the weight back. I’m hoping that I can stick with keeping track of portions and with my activity level.
I still have those moments where I look down and realize how much I’ve lost. I look down when I sit in a booth at a restaurant and see all the space between me and the table. I look down in the car and see the space between the steering wheel and my stomach. I am happy when I can fit into a ride at the amusement park or buckle my seat belt on an airplane without an extension, but then I also have the times when I look at myself and see just how overweight I still am. I see my double chin hanging down, I see my fat rolls, I see how unflattering pictures are of me. Already after the rapid weight loss, I see that I am eventually going to need plastic surgery when this is all over to take care of things, and to make myself feel comfortable with myself.
Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. I can’t believe in one more year I’ll be 40 years old. When did this happen? When did I become an old lady?? Middle Aged – not young any more? It just doesn’t seem possible. It’s sort of depressing. My husband doesn’t like to celebrate anything, so over the years, my birthday has became “just another day” for me. (along with Christmas and any other holiday) This year I sent him some things I might like for my birthday, so I’m going to get some presents. 🙂 It’s hard to get presents for each other, because when we want something, we just end up getting it. Plus, neither of us can hold on to presents, we end up giving them to each other early. Ha ha.
I have a lot of things coming up in the next few months. I’ve signed Tommie and I up for a couple of 5K’s. (One in Sept and one in Oct) I’m hoping to get time off work approved for Thanksgiving to see my family, but I have to wait until closer to the time to see if they will approve it. IF I end up going, my sister has invited me to do a 10K with her. This seems overwhelming to me, but I think if I finish it I will feel really accomplished. With the 5K’s, I’m able to run some and walk some, but I’m afraid if I do the 10K I’d need to walk it all, since I’m not sure if I’d wear myself out too much, not having done one before. At least it should be a bit cooler by then. 🙂 I have a 5K in December I plan on signing up for too. It’ll be inside in the underground cave complex.
This weekend I plan on taking a photography class. I feel like I take classes over and over to try to learn the same things, but then again, I feel like over the last several years my photography has not gotten better and I haven’t had the passion I used to have about it. I wish I had someone to work with me on it one on one. I’d also love to learn Photoshop, but it’s hard for me to concentrate, to learn it via classroom or reading about it. I just don’t seem to “retain” things. So frustrating.
Well, I feel like if I write about anything else, I’m going to ramble on worse than I already am, so I’m going to go ahead and end it now. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog and for the one’s that leave me comments.
Much love.
Amy, don’t let the stalls get you down. They happen and are normal. The weight will start dropping off again; your body just needs an adjustment period from time to time.
I admire you for doing the 5Ks. I am not graceful, by any means, so would never run…I’d end up flat on the pavement! Not to mention that, at my age, doctors don’t want me to run as the high impact exercise is very hard on ancient joints.
I can also tell you that it takes a long time…if ever…for our minds to see the “new” us. We still see ourselves as the fat person even though we see the progress…our minds just don’t register or accept it. Believe me, others see us far differently and more graciously than we view ourselves. We truly are our own worst critics.
So, hang in there, gorgeous! You’ve come so far…far further than what you have left to go. Look at how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go. It will put a more positive view on your journey. Hugs!
Thank you. When I look at the big picture, I do tend to get a sense of accomplishment. I had 175 lbs to lose at the beginning and I have already lost 100 lbs in 6 months, so I’m really more than half way to my goal! That is really something!
I’m only a few sizes away from being able to shop at a normal store also! That will be something I haven’t been able to do since before high school!! I just am so unhappy with the way I look though. I know that will take time and things will eventually shrink up. I have a feeling though when it’s all over I’m going to need to have plastic surgery to be completely happy with myself. I already have sags and wrinkles and everything.
I’m hoping my hair will thicken back up, because that makes me age also. I get a lot of positive feedback from people, but it just takes one little comment (or not really comment – even an insinuation – or my imagination) to get my mind going into a self judging tirade. You are right, I am my own worst critic. Sometimes I love myself, other times I think I’m the most annoying person alive.
Almost every woman doesn’t like her body. It’s sad but true, as far as I can tell. So take comfort in the fact that you are completely normal! You knew you’d need surgery to take care of extra skin when you started this. I know it’s hard now, but you will take care of the problem in time. Your future is so bright! Your 40s are going to be fabulous! Geez, after you get to your ultimate weight and have plastic surgery, you are going to look 10 years younger. You just need to keep working at the weight loss piece a bit longer and then can move on to maintenance. 🙂
Yeah….I know that women are very critical about their bodies….because people can be so shallow and judgmental. I also know that even plastic surgery can’t make you happy (from experience). I worry about not getting to my goal and not being able to have the correcting surgery. I know they “like” you to get to a goal weight and hold it for a year before doing the plastic surgery, which I can understand, because it’d be a waste to get surgery and then lose again and need more surgery. I just need to practice patience.
My hope is to be able to get to a weight I’m happy with and have surgery and just be happy with myself. I want to have confidence. I really don’t know what that feels like!