I admit it, I’m a bit of a slow learner and also very stubborn. I saw this picture above shared in one of my groups and for the most part, it is true. I’m learning as I go that certain things I eat that I KNOW are bad for me, makes me feel like crap afterwards. I mean, I can eat sugar OK for the most part, and if I eat it in moderation, I’m OK, but if I overindulge, I end up feeling icky for a while and I think to myself, “Was that really worth it?” I’m glad I don’t get sick from it, but the “run down” feeling is enough to make me think twice about my choice.
I don’t want to go through life not able to have cake and cookies every once in a while! I love that stuff! My issue is I just need to learn moderation. My pouch is a tool for that. I had an ice cream sundae the other day and payed for it the rest of the day. I know in the future, if I’m wanting ice cream, I need to think small!!
I love to eat out. I love trying new things. My husband has been pleased that since surgery I have widened my horizons. I’ve been more open to try a wider selection of restaurant types. I think part if it is that my acid reflux has been just about cured since surgery, so things don’t bother me as much. I always have enough to take home or for my husband to finish my plate if he’s really hungry, also. It’s nice to be able to go out and enjoy and not worry about over doing it. Sure, from time to time, if I’m really hungry, I’ll eat more, but for the most part, I’m able to finish half my plate and take the rest home with me for later.
I tend to lean towards the chicken dishes a lot. I’m still using “My Fitness Pal” to try to choose what to eat and keep it within a certain calorie level. If I eat a burger when I’m out, I try to go for the smaller version or get it without bread. If we go for dessert, we usually get something to share.
BUT, as for my weight loss…..I’ve been stalled for over 8 months now. I keep going up and down between 5 pounds. I have more weight to lose. People ask me all the time how much more I want to lose, or how much more my doctor wants me to lose. Well, that number is different. I, personally, want to lose 50 more pounds. I think my doctor said he’d be happy with about 15 more pounds. Starting at 315 pounds and now being under 200 pounds is wonderful. I don’t want to ever get over 200 pounds again, though I know it can happen. Many people gain about 20 or 30 back from their lowest weight.
I have my year and a half follow up appointment in August. It will be shortly after I get back from an out of state trip. I’ll be eating out while I’m out of town, but I’ll also be walking a lot. Even though I walk a lot, it doesn’t really seem to help with my weight loss, but it DOES help me with my endurance. I want to ask the doctor the name of the plastic surgeon they recommend. Even though I know I’m not ready for the additional surgery yet, I would like to go get a consultation and just get their opinion. Let them know what I want to get done and see what weight they suggest I need to get down to before even considering it. I don’t want to have the surgery too soon, just for it to look horrible. I know that will be about 15 pounds in itself coming off. I’m also afraid of being disappointed in the surgery, as I was in my last plastic surgery. I want to at least go and talk to the doctor though and get their input and get an idea of what I need to get there, and how much it’s all going to be.
I always told myself, “Oh, if you lose weight, you’ll be so pretty!” “My whole style of clothing will change!” For a while, with the rapid weight loss, I felt great. My confidence was boosted. Now my mind seems to be adjusting though and I see myself as my same fat self. Don’t get me wrong – I DO still have better confidence than I did at my highest weight. I don’t have a feeling of people staring and talking about me. I feel more normal than I used to. I just now am becoming aware again of my big stomach and huge upper arms and my thighs that just won’t go away and are so lumpy with varicose veins and my turkey waddle of a neck (I could go on). I’m very self conscious and insecure. I KNOW I look better than I did before, but I also know I don’t look good.
On the bright side though, it feels good to walk through life without feeling like a spotlight is on me. Feels good to not worry if I can fit into a booth at a restaurant. Feels good to be able to walk long distances without being out of breath. Feels good to be off ALL my medicine except the one I’ll always have to be on. Even though I’m at a very frustrating place, I know it’s not my final destination. Thank you for supporting me and the encouragement I get from friends and family. It means a lot. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to learn as I go.