It’s been a while since I made a blog post.  I’ve tried starting a post here and there, but always end up trashing it.  Sometimes when you have skipped so much – it’s hard to know where to start and what to just skip over.

I had my abdominoplasty surgery on October 13th.  Some people might want to know why I didn’t wait until I was at my goal weight before having it done.  Well – I lost about 120 lbs and had been stuck at the same weight for about a year.  My ultimate goal isn’t to be super skinny – though yes, that would be nice.  I’m just not that disciplined!  My goal was just to be “normal”.  I know that means different things to different people.  I wanted to at least wear an XL and be able to shop in a normal store.  With the weight I was at – from where I came from…my surgeon told me I didn’t need to lost any more for him to do the surgery.  He DID want me to have realistic expectations though.  He told me, with me being the size I was, I would still be “thick”.  There were three area’s of the abdomen that bothered me the most.  Of the three – he was able to remove two of them.  The third area – I still hate, but he warned me beforehand that I would still probably hate it.  With the other two area’s gone/taken care of though – it has been a big leap towards me feeling more “normal”.  The third area that I hated was my “middle roll”.  He was not able to remove the fat there to make it more “flat” because of blood flow issues.  It’s something I can go back and have done at a later date….but for now – I just have to deal with the roll sticking out and looking bad.

(picture above was taken week after my surgery – I still have the binder holding me all in)

I might not look that different to people, because I did my best to try to cover myself the best I could and not show the belly I had hanging down.  There are a few pics you can see it in.  I get to see the biggest results, myself, when I go to change my clothes.  If I catch myself in front of the mirror, I still take a pause and just smile over the big change.  Yes, I have scars.  Yes, I don’t have a belly button any more (he wasn’t able to save it).  But over all, I’m happy with the difference he was able to make.  I still have area’s that need to be done, but I’m happy to have the first step behind me.

I really wanted to be able to wear a “fitted” shirt after surgery, and I still can’t do that.  Also – I have issues with pants now.  This issue is that pants that fit in the waist, I can’t get over my thighs, because I still have fat girl thighs.  Even though I’ve spent the past few years walking and running and riding bikes, my legs are still fat.  My thighs and calves both.  My thighs show signs of lost weight (they wrinkle and have hanging skin on them), but they are still full of cellulite and huge.  Same with my arms.  I have to stuff my arms into shirt sleeves like sausages.  My next thing I need done is my upper arm lift and thigh lift (which i’m most afraid of).  They leave nasty scars, but if it will help me be able to wear clothes better, it’ll be worth it.

Tommie disagrees with all my plastic surgery.  (He calls it recreational surgery)  BUT I’m lucky that he supports me, no matter what I decide.  I know his disapproval is out of fear of something happening to me.  He doesn’t like that I put myself at risk for something he sees as unnecessary.  I have my own reasons for doing it though, and they are for myself.

I feel like I did will with recovery.  My Mom came the first week of recovery and that was a life saver!  I really needed her here and she did a great job helping me out.  I feel like my scars have healed nicely.  I still have horrible swelling when I am too active, but I hear that is normal and will probably be like that for a while.

The day before yesterday, I was laying on my side and felt a “POP” and had a sharp pain.  It wasn’t on any of my incision lines. I emailed the surgeon pointing at the area asking him if he thought it was a muscle repair stitch that came undone.  He seemed to think it seemed to be a bit high for that and thought it was probably scar tissue that popped and that it was good.  Sure scared me!

It’s been very hard for me to get back in the habit of food and exercise now that I’m out of the habit.  I’m going to have to find the motivation though.  Our next 5K is at the end of January and I’m going to feel like I’m dying!  I have one month to try to get my activity level back up.  Wish me luck!  Winter has been having me want to be in hibernation mode!  Eat up all the food around me, and crawl in bed until Spring!