Well, It’s been a year and a half since I had my Gastric Bypass surgery.  I do NOT regret it.  I had my 18 month follow up appointment this week.  It was short and sweet.  It’s all routine now.  The Nutritionist, Physiologist and Doctor came in, went over things with me quickly and then it was over.  All my vitamin levels were within normal range and my blood pressure was great.  I had lost 123 lbs. total.  I’ve been just about the same weight, up and down a few lbs for at least 8 months now.

I asked the Surgeon about recommendations for Plastic Surgeons.  I know they had mentioned they worked with a group that they refer people to.  He said the only ones he knows anything about are the one’s they share an office with, so I made a consultation appointment with them for Sept. 2nd.  I’d like to just go over what I’d LIKE to have done and get their opinion as to if I need to lose weight before considering it and what the cost would be, etc.  When I mentioned that to my Bariatric Surgeon he said they usually just want you to be 18 months out and your weight to of stabilized, which mine has.  SO – we’ll see what he has to say.  I noticed on their website they had some 3D camera they use too….takes pictures of you from all angles and can show you what work will look like afterwards, etc.  THAT should be interesting!  There was also a surgeon up North that was recommended to me by a friend, and I want to call and set up a consultation with him also.  I do NOT want to go back to the one that did my breast reduction.

SO – since I had so much PTO time, I decided to go see my parents on my own.  I really enjoyed the trip.  LOVED spending time with Mom and Dad and LOVED seeing some sights that I hadn’t seen before.  Where as when I’m with Tommie, he’s usually ready for a nap mid day, my parents just go and go and go with me.  Haha.  I think I wore them out a bit.  Mom said in 20 years she’s going to remind me how much I made her walk (since I’ll be her age in 20 years) :D.

The first day I was in town it rained all day, so we decided to drive up to Hershey Pennsylvania and go to Chocolate World.  It’s just one of those things I’ve seen on TV and wanted to do!  It was neat, BUT with it being a rainy day, I think EVERYONE decided to go and it was WAY too crowded.  It would not be a place I’d want to go back to again.  But, at least I can now say that I’ve been there and done that. 🙂

The next two days I took the train into Washington DC and my Mom had bought me trolley passes (which was a tourist bus type thing) to get around town.  Dad had taken one day off work, so we decided to do one day with Dad and one day with Mom.  It was REALLY fun to have the quality time with both parents. 😀  I got to see LOTS of things I have only seen on TV and do lots of walking!  I was sore afterwards, but it was a good thing.  That was my favorite part of the trip.  I loved taking the trains in and getting around by bus, train and foot.  I didn’t see everything there was to see.  I feel like I could go back there and spend more time.  LOVED it.

We also explored some other things in Baltimore that I hadn’t seen before.  We went to Edgar Allen Poe’s grave site, which was an odd and very neat cemetery….or as they called it “Burial Grounds”.  There was a church that was built OVER the cemetery there.  They had graves in the basement and in the open spaces under the church.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  It wasn’t in the best part of town, so Dad went with us on the weekend.  We later went to the Inner harbor and Little Italy part of town and walked around.  It was a nice trip.

When I got back, I had a lot of catch up to do at work, plus my supervisor was going to be off work a while, so had to go in and learn some things from him.  Plus, the following day after I got back, My Uncle Dub passed away.  I had gone up to see him before I left town.  I hadn’t been up before then, because he’d been really weak since surgery and I hadn’t wanted to bother him, but was told, if I wanted to see him, now would be the time.  Hospice was being called in.  I’m glad I got to see him one last time.  He is my Grandma’s only brother and she is really close with him.  It was really sad to see him go.  He is one of the pieces of glue that has kept the family so close.  He will be missed.  We had a lot of family that came into town for the funeral.  It was good to see them and he would’ve been so pleased to see everyone together.

Our one 5K we had planned for August was cancelled and is pending rescheduling, so that means our next race is the 10K we’ll be doing in September!  We’ll be doing that 3 days after my 40th birthday!  It will put me in a new age class. I’m not sure I’m ready for another 10K, but we’ll see how it goes!   After that, we have 5K’s the next three weekends in a row.

In October I’ll be heading to Cincinnati to take a small weekend trip with my sister and Mom.  We’re just getting away and leaving the kids with Jonathan.  Billie said she just wanted us to go do something for my 40th and Mom’s 60th birthday’s.  I need to get my plane ticket soon!!  I’ll be leaving the day after Tommie’s birthday.

Well, I guess that’s the update I have for now.  Thanks for checking in on me.  Leave me a comment.

Funny how the slightest comment or gesture can just make you feel so low when your confidence is already near the bottom.  Confidence is something that has never been in abundance in me.  It can make me very annoying to someone with a lot of it.  It might be why some of my best friends in life have been the bold, confident types.  I always felt comfortable being able to stand behind them and let them sort of shield and protect me and take over situations.

Today something that was meant as a joke just set me off.  I guess it was just enough to touch on things that I was feeling bad about and I, as usual, I took it personal.  But what do I do when that happens?  I don’t confront it.  I go to a corner and cry it out and bottle it up.  It’s just what I do.  Then come here and vent.  Haha.  There’s a lot of things that I keep to myself, because I’m just too ashamed to admit to them or don’t even want to acknowledge them to myself, let alone others.  I’m know I’m being vague, but I just wanted to get out that I’m hurting without being ready to say why.  Guess that’s no different that those annoying vauge facebook statuses that people put up that get people asking “What’s wrong?”  “What happened?”  “Oh, I’ll pray for you.”  We’ll just leave it at me being touchy and not able to take a joke.

Anyway – On to weight loss update.  After being stuck for so long, I figured it was because I was pretty much in a routine and thought it might be good to change something to maybe get the weight loss started again.  So, this week I decided to try to go back to doing a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and then a normal dinner.  Well, since I started on Monday I have lost 8 lbs.  Not bad!  I’m nearing my lowest weight.  I’m assuming by tomorrow I’ll reach it.  BUT then I’m going back on normal food.  I’m not sure how much I’ll gain when I’m on vacation.  I do know, though, I plan to enjoy myself and when I get back, maybe I’ll have to go back on the protein shakes.  It does seem to take a little energy out of me.  Shortly after I get back I’ll have my follow up appointment, which I talked about in my last post.

We’ve had a little lull between races this month.  In September though it seems like we have one almost every weekend, with a 10K thrown in there that Tommie wanted to do.  We have ONE this month, but it’s an untimed one.  I think next year, I’m not going to do any of the color type runs.  I haven’t enjoyed them as much this year.  We tend to like doing the timed races and those are usually not timed, just lean more towards the fun side of it.  As we do more races, we’ve picked out what we like about the one’s we do and look for one’s that have what we enjoy in them.

Well, I’m going to be really busy this weekend with visiting and getting things ready for my trip.  Lots to fit in.  SO – just wanted to make a quick entry before I left.

I admit it, I’m a bit of a slow learner and also very stubborn.  I saw this picture above shared in one of my groups and for the most part, it is true.  I’m learning as I go that certain things I eat that I KNOW are bad for me, makes me feel like crap afterwards.  I mean, I can eat sugar OK for the most part, and if I eat it in moderation, I’m OK, but if I overindulge, I end up feeling icky for a while and I think to myself, “Was that really worth it?”  I’m glad I don’t get sick from it, but the “run down” feeling is enough to make me think twice about my choice.

I don’t want to go through life not able to have cake and cookies every once in a while!  I love that stuff!  My issue is I just need to learn moderation.  My pouch is a tool for that.  I had an ice cream sundae the other day and payed for it the rest of the day.  I know in the future, if I’m wanting ice cream, I need to think small!!

I love to eat out.  I love trying new things. My husband has been pleased that since surgery I have widened my horizons.  I’ve been more open to try a wider selection of restaurant types.  I think part if it is that my acid reflux has been just about cured since surgery, so things don’t bother me as much.  I always have enough to take home or for my husband to finish my plate if he’s really hungry, also.  It’s nice to be able to go out and enjoy and not worry about over doing it.  Sure, from time to time, if I’m really hungry, I’ll eat more, but for the most part, I’m able to finish half my plate and take the rest home with me for later.

I tend to lean towards the chicken dishes a lot.  I’m still using “My Fitness Pal” to try to choose what to eat and keep it within a certain calorie level.  If I eat a burger when I’m out, I try to go for the smaller version or get it without bread.  If we go for dessert, we usually get something to share.

BUT, as for my weight loss…..I’ve been stalled for over 8 months now.  I keep going up and down between 5 pounds.  I have more weight to lose.  People ask me all the time how much more I want to lose, or how much more my doctor wants me to lose.  Well, that number is different.  I, personally, want to lose 50 more pounds.  I think my doctor said he’d be happy with about 15 more pounds.  Starting at 315 pounds and now being under 200 pounds is wonderful.  I don’t want to ever get over 200 pounds again, though I know it can happen.  Many people gain about 20 or 30 back from their lowest weight.

I have my year and a half follow up appointment in August.  It will be shortly after I get back from an out of state trip.  I’ll be eating out while I’m out of town, but I’ll also be walking a lot.  Even though I walk a lot, it doesn’t really seem to help with my weight loss, but it DOES help me with my endurance.  I want to ask the doctor the name of the plastic surgeon they recommend.  Even though I know I’m not ready for the additional surgery yet, I would like to go get a consultation and just get their opinion.  Let them know what I want to get done and see what weight they suggest I need to get down to before even considering it.  I don’t want to have the surgery too soon, just for it to look horrible.  I know that will be about 15 pounds in itself coming off.  I’m also afraid of being disappointed in the surgery, as I was in my last plastic surgery.  I want to at least go and talk to the doctor though and get their input and get an idea of what I need to get there, and how much it’s all going to be.

I always told myself, “Oh, if you lose weight, you’ll be so pretty!”  “My whole style of clothing will change!”  For a while, with the rapid weight loss, I felt great.  My confidence was boosted.  Now my mind seems to be adjusting though and I see myself as my same fat self.  Don’t get me wrong – I DO still have better confidence than I did at my highest weight.  I don’t have a feeling of people staring and talking about me.  I feel more normal than I used to.  I just now am becoming aware again of my big stomach and huge upper arms and my thighs that just won’t go away and are so lumpy with varicose veins and my turkey waddle of a neck (I could go on). I’m very self conscious and insecure.  I KNOW I look better than I did before, but I also know I don’t look good.

On the bright side though, it feels good to walk through life without feeling like a spotlight is on me.  Feels good to not worry if I can fit into a booth at a restaurant.  Feels good to be able to walk long distances without being out of breath.  Feels good to be off ALL my medicine except the one I’ll always have to be on.  Even though I’m at a very frustrating place, I know it’s not my final destination.  Thank you for supporting me and the encouragement I get from friends and family.  It means a lot.  I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to learn as I go.

The past few events that I’ve been to, the event photographer has stopped us and asked to take our picture.  I know this doesn’t sound like anything special to most.  I mean, that’s their job!  They are there to take pictures that they hope people will later buy and to record the event.  BUT in the past, I really didn’t get stopped and asked if I wanted my picture taken.  So when it has happened this past month, it makes me feel like I look like everyone else.  Not that I’m special, just that I’m normal.

I’ve never been too shy about photos.  I’ve been “taking” photos from a very early age and you will often see a camera in my hand.  BUT for years, and even now, really, I am left out of a lot of photos.  I’m usually on the other side of the camera.  When I would want my photo taken, my husband knew that I wanted my picture taken from the chest up.  No need to see all that. These days, I’m still “larger” than most people, but after losing over 100 lbs, I am feeling more like I blend in and SO MUCH less self conscious.  It is a very liberating feeling to not be constantly pulling down on my shirt and making sure my tummy isn’t sticking out from under my long shirt.

My husband HATES it when I take “selfies”.  He talks about, “I read an article that people who take too many selfies have a mental disorder.”  “Do I need to get you in to see a doctor?”  When I “Snapchat” with people, he’ll be like “Give it a rest!!!” I’ll reply; “Sorry!!”  Maybe I DO over share…Maybe it’s just because he’s around me so much that it has become a pet peeve of his. I know I have my pet peeves, I just don’t always say what they are out loud. Haha. I’m just happy that I’m feeling more comfortable with myself am looking forward to the future and being more active and even more comfortable.  I’m sorry if I offend with my self photos.

I also have another new addiction.  5K’s.  I got my taste of them last year (thanks to my sister,and my friend, Dawn) and I’ve gone a bit overboard with them.  Last year I did a total of seven 5K’s and one 10K.  On my first 5K, my finish time was about 59 minutes.  My last race of the year, I finished around 44 minutes.  So far this year – I have done four races and have signed up for AT LEAST seven more, and will probably sign up for more as the season goes on.  Along the way I’m hoping to better my time and be able to run more than I am now.  (Since I run and walk – I’m not able to run a full 5K at this point)  Tommie does every single one of these races with me.  It’s a WONDERFUL support.  He powers through them, because he has painful shin splits.  I like to encourage people to do the races with us, but I also like to do my own pace and try to beat my times.  Tommie doesn’t mind when I run ahead and just meet him at the finish line, so that is nice.  Our friend’s daughter, Katie, has done several with us.  She’s on her cross country team at school, so she leaves us in the dust and we meet back up at the finish line.  It’s great to have her with us and we enjoy it.

As we do more races, we are finding which one’s we like to do and which one’s we won’t do again.  We are learning what to look for in a race that we like and what to avoid.  I’ve fallen out of an exercise routine.  I really need to get back into it.  The winter finally got to me and I just shut down and became lazy.  We’ve tried walking a few times this year, but have let excuses get in the way.  I’m hoping to find my drive and motivation soon and get back out there.

Well, just wanted to give an update since I hadn’t made a blog entry in a while.  Hope this finds everyone well.  Feel free to leave me a little “hi”.

As a random message pops up on my screen, from all places – Mongolia – I just think about how incredible it is that we can reach out and make friends across the globe so easily now.

When I was young (in Jr High), I used to subscribe to those popular teen magazines and there were several of them that had a “pen pal” section.  At age 12, I wrote in and they placed my add in one of the magazines and I got 100’s of letters from all over the world, even from men in prison.  I was in heaven with all the letters that came pouring in!  My poor mom was a sport and would keep me supplied with stamps and stationary.  Over time I lost contact with most of the people I used to write to as a child.

There was one though, that after all this time, we have never lost contact.  I’ve known her just about as long as any of my best friends in my day to day life.  She lives in Australia and is now married with two lovely boys.  We’ve even talked on the phone and over Skype in the past.  We don’t write snail mail as much any longer, but thanks to the internet and Facebook, we can still catch up and see what each other are doing.  There was also another girl I wrote to back in my teens, and we had lost touch, but several years ago, she found and contacted me on Facebook.  It was so neat to be remembered and contacted and to catch up with her!  I love it!

THEN, there are those that I have just randomly met online and just seem to connect with.  I’ve always been fascinated with other countries and other parts of the world.  I love to collect the stamps and the coins.  I love to hear about the culture differences and similarities.  I’d LOVE to be able to travel overseas one day.  It is a dream and goal of mine.

I just want to say to all the friends I have made and connected to online, that I have never met in real life (Overseas and even here in the U.S.), thank you for reaching out to me and thank you for your random messages, letters, email, comments…..just staying connected.  It means a lot.

Thank you, also to my friends and family here in my life, that make an effort to reach out with comments, calls, IM’s, texts, get togethers, etc.  I think I have some pretty incredible people in my life and feel very blessed.

Just a post to reflect some.  On with your day…. 🙂

Today I had my One Year Follow Up appointment with my surgeon.  My year was actually on Feb 5th.  I had blood drawn on Friday for the appointment.  I hadn’t been getting my vitamin’s in every day, so was worried and curious as to what my levels would be.  Everything was perfect!  A lot of times, people who have had bypass have low levels of B12 and Iron, because of absorption issues.  They end up having to get infusions for those things at some point.  I was happy to see my levels were normal, and B12 was actually flagged high, so I might need to get a vitamin that doesn’t have that in it and see if I can take it separate or something.

I have felt like I had lost hardly anything between my 6 month and my year appointment, but when I went to my journal where I put all my “official” Dr Office weigh ins, it looks like I had lost 20 lbs between then and now.  My surgeon said he was VERY happy with my weight loss and thinks I’ve done wonderful.  The Dr’s office has never given me a “goal” weight to strive for.  I asked surgeon again today and he said maybe another 20 to 30 lbs and he’d be happy.  ((My final goal I had set was another 50 lbs))  He said to not consider plastic surgery until I’m done losing, and he sees that as another year or so before I can do that, when I’m done losing and level off for a while.  I’ll go back for my next follow up in six months.

I had a full weekend this past weekend.  Saturday they had an open house at the building our offices will be moving to.  We weren’t able to tour the floor we’ll be on, but the floor we DID tour they said was a similar layout to the one we’ll be on.  It’s going to be a big change.  We will get new computers, but not new chairs.  Also, it’s an all new type of cubicle that we’ll have.  Currently we have tall cubicles that gives you a sense of privacy.  We’ll be getting short cubicles now.  Good thing is that it will allow more light and “openness”.  Bad thing is that I think the privacy level will feel a lot less.  You’ll be able to look around and see everyone.  The cubicle I’ll be sitting at (thankfully only one time a week) is directly outside of the break room, and the new break room doesn’t have a door that closes on it, so I’m worried about #1 – the smell of cooking food for a majority of the afternoon, which is going to make me constantly hungry and #2, the noise level of everyone socializing in the break room on lunch and break.  Also, there will be 4 bathroom stalls for all the women on our floor in the bathroom.  ((We’re going down from 11 or so currently to 4))  The managers won’t have closed offices any longer also, they’ll just have larger cubicles than us, and for One on One’s and to talk privately, there will be little rooms with two chairs in them that you can go to and shut the door.  Of coarse, I’m not going to know how it actually is until we’re there.  I AM looking forward to a change and I’m just hoping I’m going to like it a lot more than I’m anticipating.

After we went to the open house we ran by Micro Center (one of Tommie’s favorite stores)….and it was enjoyable “people watching” for me while we were in there…lol.  I DID set off an alarm on a Mac computer when I was “poking around” it.  Ha ha.  I was like “Sorry!  I was just wanting to know what THAT was!”  He laughed at me “It’s a laser!”  😀  After that we went to a new place to eat.  BRGR Kitchen and Eatery.  It was a Gourmet Hamburger place in Prairie Village.  We ordered two different things and split them in half and shared.  We’ll probably go there again some time.  After that, we came back home and my cousin, Melissa, came over and we spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and playing games and visiting.  That was nice.  We love to have people come over and hang with us.

Sunday, my friend, Kriste, invited us to a new Japanese place that opened up North.  She said they were going to have a Dragon Festival dance they were going to do.  Sounded intriguing, and you know I LOVE Japanese Restaurants!  It was a lot of fun!  I thought my food could’ve been more “favorable”, but it was still good and the atmosphere was wonderful and the staff was so friendly.  The owner or manager (not sure which he was) came by table several times and asked how things were.  He recognized Kriste from being there last week and welcomed her back.  The Lion Dance was great!  Made me really want to go to a real festival and see it done there!!  The menu was large and we’ll defiantly go back and try some other things!

Our first 5K of the season is this weekend.  The forecast is calling for it to be COLD.  It’s the PJ 5K.  I went to Macy’s this weekend to get some new PJ bottoms, because all the one’s I have are too big….even though I still wear them.  Thought I should get better fitting one’s, if I was going to run in them.  Ha ha.  (don’t need them falling down)  I ended up having to get size Large!  Was nice to be down from 2x-3x to Large!  I’ll be layering up on Saturday and little Katie Brown will be going with us.  I’m VERY out of practice on my walking/running.  The past few months I’ve sort of gone into hibernation mode, and it’s so cold all this week, I don’t feel like walking – but starting tomorrow we’re going to have to force ourselves to the gym!  SO – I guess my goal for this first 5K will to be not finish last?  Ha ha.  They will give out medals for the first three finishers per age division, I think.  I’m betting Katie will get a medal.  Not going to let the weather keep us from our 5K’s though!  If it’s still on (which I don’t think anything’s supposed to be too bad – just cold) – we’ll be there!

Well – Guess that’s my update!  Leave me a “Hey – I stopped by” note. 😀

I’m getting really anxious for the warmer weather.  We had a nice day today, but I didn’t get a chance really to get out in it.  I’m still in my “hibernation” mode.  I really need to get back into the habit of taking advantage of the good weather days and get rid of the excuses and just get out there and walk!  I have signed up for my first 5K of the season, which will quickly be coming up in less than two weeks.  Tommie and I, and hopefully a few friends, will be doing the PJ5K in Overland Park on March 1st.  I think I’m going to go buy some new PJ bottom’s to wear for the race. 🙂  I’m out of practice on my walking/running, so I’m not expecting my time to be all that great, but it will feel good to get back into the swing of things.  I’m so happy to see that this round of bad weather coming through missed us here in KC!

Tonight as I was sitting downstairs watching the last episode of Game of Thrones (Oh!  How frustrating!!!), I was looking down and my legs.  I’m at a point in my weight loss where I can sort of see what’s underneath, but I have so much fat and lose skin in the way, but it’s just hanging on, loosely.  I can easily push it aside and see shape underneath.  It’s very frustrating to be able to see that and just have this fat and extra skin just hanging on.  I know most of it will not go away without surgery also.  I also know from past experience that I’m not going to be 100% happy with plastic surgery either, though it will be necessary.  I’ve seen enough of other people’s photos and heard stories to sort of know what to expect there.  It will be interesting to see where I end up at the end off all this though.

I need to go get my blood drawn this week some time for my year follow up appointment with the surgeon on Monday.  I try to remember my vitamins, but there are a few I’ve slacked on, so it will be good to see what my levels are, and what all they will do and check on and say at the year mark.

So – Back to Game of Thrones.  How many of my friends watch that show on HBO?  We finally got up to date on all the episodes.  The last two were just crazy!!  I’ve been reading the books, but I’m now well past in the show where I am in the book.  I’m reminded when I read the Game of Thrones books of just how slow of a reader I am!  It is taking me forever to get through the books, though I DO love them!  I’m only half way through the 2nd book.  I’m usually reading another book at the same time though and have finished many other books while I’m reading these. 🙂  Currently I’ve been reading Clash of the Kings and The Book Thief.  Both great books.  I set my book goal a bit too high I guess this last year, but that book DID slow me down.  I had to throw some smaller books in there at the end to make the goal.  I set my goal a bit smaller this year, because I knew I’d also be reading that series in there also.  That is one author that does NOT mind killing off main characters!

Well – just wanted to touch base real quick.  Hope this finds everyone doing well. 🙂  Thanks for stopping by!

February 5th marked one year from when I had my gastric bypass surgery.  It’s been a year of change.  I don’t regret having the surgery.  I feel very lucky that I have had little to no ill side effects.  I mean, I have had the hair loss and will always have to watch my vitamin levels, but I haven’t had any bad side effects to food or any strange pains.  A lot of people have gall bladder issues after surgery, but I was lucky enough to have had mine out year ago.

It took me a long time to get to the place where I felt I wanted to take this path.  It was suggested to me and offered to me in the past, but I just felt like that was a last resort.  I KNEW I could do it myself!!  I lost over 60 lbs with Weight Watchers, but in the end, it all came back.  I lost with other diets too.  That is still a risk with this surgery.  It’s not a “fix all”, it’s another weight loss tool.  I don’t know what the static’s are of people who lose the weight, only to later put it back on.  Food addiction can be a really hard addiction to have. I’m hoping that now that I’ve lost so much, and able to do more than I have in the past, that I can stay active and continue to eat smaller portions.  It’s something I have to constantly remind myself of.  That I don’t need to stuff myself.  I can be full after just a little bit of food. That can be hard sometimes, esp. with food I love.  This “tool” has helped me with that thus far though.  I’m also proud of myself for going over a year and a half now without having ANY soda.  I’m happy that it’s something that I don’t even miss.  The weakness I have for sugar, I think I will always have.  I’ll always love my sweets.  I still eat my sweets, but luckily, just a little satisfy me.  I don’t deprive my self of anything, I just TRY to limit myself.

I started this year at over 300 lbs and in a year have gotten under 200 lbs.  I lost a total of 121.5 lbs in one year.  I went from wearing a size 26/28 jeans and 3x shirt to wearing a size 14 jeans and 1x shirt.  I’ve found I just wear my clothes big and not really realize I have gone down a size until I chance it and try on clothes and they fit!  I find myself staring at myself when I see myself on video or in photos not truly believing that it is me.  What I see in the mirror and what I see in photos are sometimes completely different things.  I still have a big belly and thighs and upper arms, but if I wear clothes big enough, I can sometimes cover that up.  Eventually I will need some type of plastic surgery to correct years of damage that I did, stretching out my skin.  That is really not an option though until I lose all my weight I need to lose and am able to maintain it for a year.  I’ve had plastic surgery in the past and my fear is that I have it, and be unhappy with myself still.

The first time I had plastic surgery, it came out different than the Dr. had told me and it caused me a lot of upset and crying.  At least this time, when the time comes, I will know more what to ask or what to tell the Dr.  I have a feeling that will be years down the road though.  I hope not, but we’ll see what this next year brings.

Since I hit my six months, my weight loss has slowed down a lot.  I have hardly lost any.  Luckily, once I got under 200 lbs, I stayed there, but I’ve just been stalled for a long while now.  Also, since New Years, my exercise has all but ceased.  The cold set in and it sucked all the “get up and go” out of me.  I have had little to no motivation the past month. I’m SO looking forward to warmer weather and getting into a routine again.  My daily steps are hardly anything these days.  I’m ready to start our daily walks again and signing up and running our 5K’s.  I’m HOPING once the nicer weather hits that it can give a little kick start to my weight loss and help me get that last little bit.

I’m happy with the results I’ve had so far.  I’m still not happy with MYSELF (body image-wise), and who knows, maybe I never will be, but I AM proud of myself and how far I’ve come and I’m a little more confident and love that I’m able to be more active and look forward to many more active years.

I will have my year check up with the surgeon in a couple of weeks.  I will be happy to report that I’m off ALL my prescription medicine’s (except thyroid – which I’ll always have to take), I’m not pre-diabetic any longer and my blood pressure is normal.  I will have blood drawn before my appointment, so I should be able to see if I’m lacking in anything.  I’m anxious as to what my vitamin levels will show and also what my surgeon says.  I’ll try to make an update after my appt.

Thank you everyone who has given me encouraging words, compliments, “likes”, read my blogs and status updates and just been a friend to me.  It means a lot to know I have friends and family who support and surround me with love.  I appreciate you all.

Well – Thought I’d give you an update on our cat Poop.

Earlier this week Tommie ran downstairs and said “Something’s wrong with Poop!” and then quickly ran back out of the room.  I was like “What do you mean??” as I hopped up and ran after him.  When I got upstairs, I found Poop laying in the hallway.  It looked like he had thrown up some clear liquid with a little fur in it and was laying on his side breathing really heavy with his tongue out.  I told Tommie to get the carrier and I called the vet and said “Something’s wrong with Poop!  We’re bringing him in right now!”  She asked what was going on and said “OK, bring him in.”  Within a couple of minutes we were out the door.  I was in my PJ bottoms and messy hair and we both left without our phones.  I kept glancing back at Poop in the carrier to make sure he was still moving and breathing.

When Poop has a hair ball, he doesn’t sound like a normal cat.  Most cats sound like they are “throwing up”.  Not Poopy.  He sounds like a person yelling or a giant squeek toy.  I’ve never heard such a loud sound that will bring you out of your seat.  He had a couple of those sounds on the way to the vets office.  Made me jump.  When we got to the vet’s office and opened the carrier Dr Webster said, “OK, Where’s the blood coming from?”  I was like “Uh – that’s new!  It must’ve happened between home and here!”  She said “OK” and pulled him out.  He had blood all down the front of him.  When I saw the blood and him struggling to breathe, I LOST it.  I lost my balance and had to catch myself and just started crying.  I could not STAND the thought of losing another cat so close to our cat, Forrest, dying.  This was just so out of the blue.  We were both just baffled as to what the heck was going on.

Honestly – what was going through my mind was, that this had to be my fault.  If I had two cats die so close together – it had to be something to do with my house and something I had let them get into or SOMETHING!  I was going through everything with the vet.  I was like “I don’t think he swallowed one of my hair ties?  We ate chicken last night – maybe he swallowed a bone, but the trash wasn’t overturned, so he didn’t get into it!”  Just trying to think of anything.  He kept trying to reassure me, it’s not anything you did.  I don’t think he’s swallowed anything.  She said it sounded like his lungs were full of blood, and he felt like he was drowning.  She gave him a shot, and he started to calm down and breathe more shallow.  She explained the medicine she gave him was going to pull the fluids out of his lungs and help him breathe.  She said she was going to keep him for the day to observe him and to check back with her later.  She kept the carrier and said she’d clean all the blood out of it and give him a bath.

That was a very long and stressful day.  My eyes were just so raw and dried out from all the crying I did.  She said with the symptom’s, it sounded like it could be a heart condition, but she couldn’t do an XRay or anything until she got the lungs more clear, because she wouldn’t be able to see anything.  Plus, over all the fluid, she was having a hard time hearing his heart.  She said this is very rare for a cat to be coughing up blood and in her 30 years of practice, it was the first time she had seen it.  She said a lot of times, when cats have heart issues, the owners are unaware until the cat suddenly falls dead.  She said if it ends up being a heart issue, he will be very fragile.  Great.

Anyway, the day seemed to go on forever and I finally gave in and called her to see how he was doing.  She told me that he had responded very well to the medicine and we needed to come pick him up right as she was closing and she was going to send him home with us for the night.  She said he’d be more comfortable there, and he needed to be observed in case he had problems.  She said to keep him somewhere quiet and calm.  Keep the other cat away from him.  She said the medicine will make him thirsty and he’ll have to pee a lot. Just make sure everything is close by for him.

So, when we got home, Tommie ended up sleeping in the living room on the couch with Poop in the living room.  I took the other litter box and food and water in the bedroom with me and kept Neko with me.  She also sent us home with pills we had to give Poop to keep pulling the fluid from his lungs.  Hate shoving pills down cats throats!  So anyway. We watched him.  He hardly moved and you could tell he was really struggling to breathe.  During the day I’d have him in the office with me and in the evenings he’d be with Tommie. He didn’t eat for a couple days and only drank a little.  I was so worried.  I was worried he was going to pass away while we were watching him!

The second day, late in the evening, he started to get up more and move around.  He also seemed to be moving around better and climbing stairs.  On the third day she had Tommie bring him back in for a check up.  He seemed to be better by that morning.  When the vet saw him, Tommie said she was very, very pleased with his progress.  She said his lungs sounded almost completely clear and she could hear his heart and it sounded normal.  Her final diagnosis, or guess on what happened was that he was trying to cough up a hairball and just was doing it so hard that he ruptured something and it caused his lungs to fill with blood.  This does sound like what it could’ve been.  He is so violent when he gags. It’s not normal.  It really scares me that something like this can happen though!  It makes me afraid to leave him alone!!  What if we weren’t there when this happened??  Would he of choked on his own blood??  But it also makes me happy that it’s not a more serious problem and that he’s acting completely normal now!!  We’re still giving him the medicine, but hopefully will be able to stop that by Monday.

Thank you, everyone, for your concern and kind words to me in my time of distress.  Poop is back to his normal self.  He’s up and moving and meowing, and eating and drinking and maybe not chasing yet, but I’m sure that will be next.  The boys like to torture each other.  I can now joke….I was telling Tommie, “I hope that Poop wasn’t put on this earth ONLY to torture Forrest, and now that she’s gone, he feels like he has lost all purpose to live!”  It was so hard with those two together.  Forrest was a victim cat, always slinking around like she was afraid of everything and Poop would stalk her and pounce and fights would occur….he’d get locked up.  Vicious cycle.  But, thankfully that wasn’t the case, and now he’s gotten used to the several days of pampering and is expecting more of it.  Ha ha.

The weather this weekend was so nice!  After such a cold snap, the 50’s felt nice!  Didn’t even need a coat yesterday and today.  Even if it doesn’t last, it was a nice break from the coldness that we’ve been experiencing.

Been feeling a little guilty since we haven’t really worked out since being back in town from Arizona.  SO – I found a class on the Live Blue site for Beginners Running Club.  I thought – why not?  It’d be nice to train with some people who were starting out and maybe get some pointers and training.  SO – I got up early on Saturday and headed out.  It was COLD.  Lots of black ice on the roads.  Had to take it slow, because I slid a few times in my AWD truck!  But, I had commited, so I went.  I was the first one there and when everyone showed up and got out of their cars, they all looked like “runners”….there was a lady who said hi and introduced herself.  I looked at everyone and was like “This is for “beginners”, right?!?!?”  She was like, “Weeeeeeeeeellllll, we’ve been running together for like 5 years.”  Way to false advertise!  The so called coach they mentioned on the site didn’t even introduce himself to me.  I responded, “Sooooo, not really, huh?  More of an advanced running club.”  She said they usually meet up and just go run and do their own pace and meet up at the end and usually go for coffee.  Yeeeeeah, so anyway – I just did my own thing.  I ran by myself, but I did it!  I felt good that I got out and finished what I started out to do.  I ran and walked both, but I finished.  I didn’t wait around for anyone at the end, I just went ahead and got in my car and left.  It was REALLY icy still on the path and there were a few times I slid across the ice, but luckily I have good balance and didn’t fall or strain anything.  I had a pretty productive day after that too.  Got a lot done.  As the day went on, it warmed up quite nicely.

Today I was more lazy.  I layed in bed pretty late and watched several of my TV shows off of Tivo.  I finally got up and Tommie and I went back to the same park and walked.  It was SO nice out today and there were TONS of people out walking at the park.  All the ice had melted though and left behind a soggy, muddy mess.  My thighs are a bit sore from all the walking/running from yesterday and today, but that’s good.  Makes me long for the winter to be over so I can get outside more often.  I just love doing my walks outside, rather than going to the gym.

Saturday was my cousin, Nikki’s, baby shower.  She is due to have her first baby next month.  They have tried for a baby for a long time and I’m so happy it’s happening for them finally!  They have chosen to wait until the baby is born to find out what they are having.  It was good to see the family.  There were a few people I hadn’t seen since my surgery, and the commented on my loss.  I have finally lost what weight I put on over the holiday’s, so now I can work towards that third goal I set for myself.  I have 14 lbs to go before I hit it.  That is NOT my final goal, just my NEXT goal.

This coming week will be spent focused on work and year end stuff, just like the past week.  Stressful time of year.  Feel like it’s taking a long time to get things done….any time I take off work, it feels like I fall behind and it takes a bit of extra time to get back on track.

Anyway – Thanks again for reading all my ramblings. Feel free to leave me any comments to let me know you stopped by.